More to say after the Losing Lulu Summit 2026

This was originally written for the Losing Lulu newsletter published 15th July 2026, after the first Losing Lulu Summit in April 2026. Planning is already underway for the Losing Lulu Summit 2027, check out losinglulu.com for details!

Thanks Sue for inviting me to say more following the Losing Lulu Summit recently. There are a few things to get off my chest I suppose…

Who am I? I’m Marcia, one of the volunteer modmin team for the Losing Lulu Facebook group and Page. I am also a pet dog & cat behaviour & training professional, operating in Greater Sydney Australia. If I had to choose a specialty it’s probably puppy school, but I love helping people live with their pets however works for them (together) and consider myself a bit of a behaviour nerd. You can find me at pawsonality.com.au.

Firstly I wanted to acknowledge the impact of the music choice for the Summit. Drew’s song was impactful and meaningful. At first, I was surprised as it is quite heavy. I love heavy music, but worried it might be too heavy for the subject matter. As the Summit went on, with each speaker I listened to, it felt more and more apt, more and more raw, more and more absolutely appropriate. Thank you Drew and your band for writing and performing it, and allowing us to use the instrumental version at the Summit.
Paw Prints on My Heart by Smoking Lounge Heroes

Drew’s story also reminded me of something else. We should not consider him extra brave for sharing some of the training methodologies used in trying to help his Lulu, but I did. Some might blame Drew for his Lulu, suggesting that his use of training aids caused the problems (which is egregious to me). It feels to me like in some circles “Behavioural Euthanasia” has been hijacked as an acceptable outcome when refusing to try a particular training method or refer on. There are also extremists on the other end that say Behavioural Euthanasia is a myth, and just means you haven’t “tried everything” or found the right home for that animal. I’m here to say that Behavioural Euthanasia transcends all that. It is not convenient. It is an impossible decision. Species, breed, source (breeder or rehome), how they’re raised, what was or wasn’t done including training or medications, do not entirely prevent nor cause a Lulu. It is always a perfect storm of all of those, with the outcome always the same – the animal lost its life (they are not Lulus until they have died).

It comes down to welfare: the welfare of the animal, the welfare of the people caring for the animal, the welfare of the broader community.

Judgement of individuals for choices they made with the information and resources they had available to them, is unfair and unkind. If we see it in-group, we moderate it.

Which brings me to the Losing Lulu group. We’re sorry it can seem hard to get in. We kinda did that on purpose. On a platform that isn’t necessarily safe, we are trying to make a safe space to grieve this unique loss. We have membership questions that must be answered in order to approve membership. We know it can feel confronting to answer. We know it feels confronting to be declined, offensive even, especially while you are grieving. Genuinely, it is not personal. We hate to decline membership but also make no apologies for trying to keep the group safe.

We need to understand that you have experienced the death of an animal companion related to a behaviour problem – that your grief is complicated by choices you made (including euthanasia). This includes professionals who have lost clients, and shelter/rescue workers & volunteers involved in decisions or touched by the losses.
We are not for traditional medical euthanasia. Sometimes it’s complex, in that a medical condition causes behaviour change or a pre-existing behaviour problem precludes treatment. We don’t need to know your whole story but we need enough information to know if this is the right place for you.

This means the animal companion is already deceased. We are not for helping to make a decision as all the outcomes in Losing Lulu are the same. If you have made the decision but your appointment is in future or not yet scheduled, we know anticipatory grief exists. We know reading about others that made the choices you made is helpful to work through this. But we also know that this causes grief clashes, inadvertent second-guessing, and accidentally compromises kindness. Please avoid euphemisms and be as clear as you can so we know the timing is right.

This is all complicated by our reliance on the tools Facebook provides. We always give feedback when we decline. This should be accessible via notifications (the one you’re supposed to get when we decline) and is supposed to be available for 14 days. Apparently this doesn’t always show, at least not immediately. Sometimes it says “You were automatically declined”, which is never the case – we have all the membership admin assist tools off and review every single request manually.

A further complication is that there is some kind of glitch with Facebook where some member requests get stuck. It doesn’t show the questions at your end or the answers at our end, and feedback also doesn’t go through. Sometimes it still shows pending at your end when we can’t see a request at all. Based on feedback from people that have experienced it, it could be related to the Apple app, or something to do with a character limit on answers (which is hidden on apps). If this happens to you we suggest trying the Desktop website version of Facebook (not the m-dot mobile version or app) to delete your pending request and retry. You can also message us as we can workaround it (via our Page is best as Messenger isn’t great at connecting people not already Facebook friends).
Losing Lulu Facebook Page

Please give us time. We average 20 membership requests per day, and a small team within the volunteer modmin team focus on them, in various time zones. We do our best to process them within 48-hours, though can’t always manage that. If yours is still waiting, one of us could be sick or busy, your request could be glitched or complex, or any number of reasons. You can reach out to us (again via the Page is best) to talk.

Thank you. I am really thankful to Sue for making Losing Lulu. I’ve made friends there. I believe it has made me a better pro trainer, better friend, better person. It is sometimes a heavy place to be, and we’re there for each other when it is, to sit with you. Kindness matters and kindness works.

And with that, I am off to listen to some more of the Summit. With so many speakers I confess I didn’t get through it all at the time, so having my extended access to finish it and re-listen to my favourites has been so helpful. You can still sign up too!
https://thedogtrainerscrucible.thinkific.com/courses/losing-lulu-summit-2026-ongoing